Bonus Mom Chef Talks Love... Cupid, Hearts, and Valentines

Ah, Valentine’s Day.  

I remember when Valentine’s Day was all about school parties, and making heart-shaped “mail boxes” to hang on my school desk to collect the valentines from my class-mates.  I remember when it was about bringing treats for the party, and valentines for my friends, and gushing over the fact that the boy in my third-grade class that I had a crush on gave me the coolest valentine and wondering for days if it meant he had a crush on me too.

I remember when Valentine’s Day was about Chocolate Candy, Balloons, Teddy Bears, and Flowers... high school-- those certainly were some times.  Some of us were getting them from boyfriends, others of us were sending them back and forth to best girl friends, and others were getting them from their parents.  (I admittedly never understood why people’s parents sent them these things on Valentine’s Day to their school, and I still struggle to wrap my head around it, although as a parent I better understand the idea of teaching kids about love as a much broader concept than just romantic love... but the idea of sending this stuff to school still boggles me.)  

Then there were the times when it meant a nice dinner, still maybe some flowers, possibly some chocolates.  A hope that whatever steady boyfriend in college would plan some seriously romantic and magical evening, usually followed by some significant level of disappointment.  That was of course before the phase when I found myself single on Valentine's Day a few years in a row.  Those years I joined with the single peoples’ movement of refusing to celebrate Valentine's Day and insisted it was "only a marketing scheme orchestrated by Hallmark".  

Eventually I started dating again and I eased up on all of this ridiculousness, from one end to the other of the spectrum, and Valentine’s Day just became a day like any other.  This is because I realized something very important to me and my own philosophy of love-- there is no point in doing anything on Valentine’s Day if we haven’t spent every other day of the year showing all of the people we love and care about in our lives how we feel about them, and how important they are to us.  Valentine’s Day is a day dedicated to this, and it can be special, but really, it shouldn’t be that much more special than our overall relationships with people in general.  

Now I am a bonus mom.   For parents Valentine's Day is about a lot more.  It’s about our spouses and finding a special way to recognize the love we share with them.  It’s also about us finding a special way to be sure to let our kiddos know how much we love them and let them know on that day that they have a special piece of our hearts.  And of course it’s about us teaching our kiddos what love and Valentine’s Day is all about.  It’s our chance to teach them that it is, in fact, not just a marketing thing, and that it is a day that is just a highlight of the relationships that we build and work on all year long.  Then, there will always be the fact that for parents, there is also the responsibility of helping our kiddos to make the valentines for school, for their friends, for family members; and all of the other crafts that come along with any holiday.  There are some great resources I’ve come across this year to help facilitate many of these things and I am excited to share them with you all.  

I think that teaching our kids about love is so very crucial.  Especially today when “love” is defined in some very peculiar ways by mainstream media.  I think it’s important to make sure our kids understand that love is something that we can feel towards all sorts of human beings, regardless of if we know them or not.  Love is something that we can feel towards non-human beings (animals, nature) as well.  Beyond this, I think it is important that as their age permits, we begin to help children understand that romantic love does not necessarily have anything to do with sex.  (Although I do believe that a comprehensive education on sex is also important, and it’s connection to love is vital, but love needs to be and should be taught separate from this entirely!) And the lessons go on.  

There are some great books out there that do a fantastic job at talking about love... many of them are picture books.  Picture books are great for younger kids, but I firmly believe that picture books, used in the right way, are even great conversation starters for slightly older kids.  So long as they do not feel that you’re treating them like they are younger than they are, and you choose the right book, it can still be a fun engaging way to begin a conversation.  Last week one of the blogs I followed had a great post about a selection of childrens books that are fantastic for teaching kids about love-- 14 Books about Love. These are fantastic in general, not just related to Valentine’s Day (although they work great then too!)  I remember thinking that I wanted to reference it in my Valentine’s Day Post.  You should totally check it out!  

In addition to books to help teach our children about love, and to help facilitate conversation, I am an avid supporter of the arts and I strongly believe in using the arts both as a way to directly educate and help children express their ideas and thoughts, but also as a means of helping to facilitate and start conversation in the family.  I came across a blog post by Hands On As We Grow for a homemade heartshaped birdfeeder.  I loved this craft idea because it was heart shaped thus going along with the love idea, but also because it related back to the idea that love is something that we can spread to people, and things, and animals, that we don’t know personally all that well.  I also liked it, because it was a nature craft that is perfect for these cold months.  Lets face it, nature crafts in the cold winter months aren’t always easy to come by!  This is a win in my book!  

My last Valentine’s Day resource I’d like to share with you is a blog post I came across this week, also from Hands On As We Grow, for 33 super cute kids valentines for school.  I would suggest that these don’t need to just be for school, but could also be for siblings, family friends, their friends, or family members.  What I loved about these is that they are, in fact, handmade/homemade.  I personally am always trying to teach our kiddos the value in handmade and homemade gifts.  And, if you are like many parents out there, there are at least a handful of these that you can still pull off if you are at the last minute this week realizing that you need valentines for someone!  (Oh, and mom (and dad)-- you could easily spice one of these up a little and give it to the kiddos, or to the other parent and they would love it too!)  

So, hopefully with my few memories of Valentine’s Day you’ve had some memories come back to you.  And hopefully, you also have gotten some ideas either to share with kiddos in your life, or to do yourself this Valentine’s Day or one in the future!  

Happy Valentine’s Day!  
You are ALL Loved!  

Bonus Mom Chef Introduces "Sick Mom"-- her Secret Other Half

Wow.  

It’s been awhile since I blogged.  It’s been a difficult few weeks for my family and I.  I haven’t spoken about my health on the blog yet and I guess I had made a conscious decision to do that.  It had been one area of my life where all of my health issues hadn’t affected things.  It felt like an area I had somehow preserved and kept safe and managed to keep “untainted”.  Well, there went that-- or so it feels.  

If being sick-- really sick-- is hard... the only thing harder in my opinion... is being sick and being a mom (in my case, a bonus mom).  I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things RIGHT.  I want to be the BEST bonus mom I can be.  I want to do it the right way, the best way, all the time.  I am by far my toughest critic.  So when my health gets in my way, be that a cold that has me not wanting to do that crafty activity I had promised, or skin cancer biopsies that have me feeling not quite myself, or a new seizure disorder that has me having seizures multiple times a weekend (or day) and feeling all sorts of like crap, I do not exactly consider it a valid excuse to let my parenting responsibilities go.  That’s been what my life has been like the past few months.  Well... truthfully... since August 2012.  It just has been progressively getting worse, and worse and worse.  And the doctors are continually getting more and more and more perplexed.  And my bonus kiddos are progressively getting more and more and more confused and frustrated as to why their bonus mom isn’t her “fun” and/or “normal” self.  

Lately we’d been making some headway with some specialists and getting some tests done and we thought we were getting some answers, and then, in the last couple of weeks the seizures really ramped up.  And then this past weekend, I started having some cardiac issues-- serious cardiac issues, and spent a good 12 hours in the Emergency Room having many tests done with some very wonderful, but very concerned doctors and nurses (not to mention one very concerned Hubinator!).  

So this brings me to this post.  I went on a bit of a hiatus for a little while (a couple weeks), but I’m back :).  Truthfully, this blog brings me joy.  It gives me something that I can still do, despite the limitations I have upon myself, and that feels good.  And, now that I have opened up as to this ultra personal part about myself … I can also blog about what it’s like to be a bonus mom who is also struggling with some health issues in her life... because lets face it-- that’s not easy, and there are a number of mom’s out there (bonus and bio) … and dads for that matter... who are dealing with those challenges everyday!  

Happy Mid-February Everyone!  I’m glad to be back and I’m looking forward to the next posts!  I have some fun ones planned for us!