History of the Hubinator and Bonus Mom Pt 2- “Will you marry us?”

So New Years day last year rolled around, and it was a pretty special day indeed.  I did end up meeting the Hubinator’s kids just like we had planned.  We had all sorts of snacks and special treats I had made them.  I had planned some art activities, and we played some games.  It was a lot of fun.  The kids seemed to enjoy themselves, and everyone was laughing and smiling, which was the most important part to me.  Day one worked.  I found myself thinking “ok this isn’t so bad.  These kids are pretty cool.  I think I can do this”.  

During college I was an arts and crafts director during the summers.  Then, during my graduate studies I took credits on top of my regular course work to get a concurrent degree in holistic health and art therapy.  In addition to both of those things, I’d always done art and crafting as hobbies.  So to say that I brought a few art and crafting skills into this relationship with the kiddos is an understatement.  The kiddos quickly learned that this woman their dad met had all sorts of crazy fun stuff up her sleeve.  Science experiments, Ice cream in baggies, Fairies in jars, Art projects galore, neato-repeato camp songs (and dances)... and the list went on.  In addition, I’m a crazy kitchen chemist lady.  I love exploring in the kitchen.  The kiddos, they love eating and testing out my experiments.  This works out quite well.  I learned quickly that these were my “secret weapons” if you will … that would help me conquer the world of “bonus moming”.  When someone is upset, when someone is having a bad day, when someone isn’t sure if they like that I helped dad come up with rules... I pull out some fun activities and remind them of the reasons I’m a bonus!!!  

So, during the first few months-- I relied HEAVILY on my arsenal of activities.  I was still living an hour away and at first I was only visiting with the kids once every two or three weeks.  We wanted to make sure that we were taking it slow, slowly introducing me to them, but that we were also allowing them to still have plenty of time alone with their dad so that they did not feel like they were in competition for attention at any time.  After a couple of months the visits became more frequent.  

Eventually the Hubinator and I began having more serious conversations about our relationship.  We began discussing our future together, the fact that we would like to take the next step, what that would look like, how it would work, etc.  We discussed getting engaged.  At that point my job was also an hour away from where he worked and it would mean either me commuting or me getting a new job if we were to get engaged and if I moved in with him.  I was already commuting 20 minutes to work , but it wasn’t in the direction of the Hubinator.  I was expecting a promotion at work and it happened that things didn’t work out with that promotion based on the projected budget for the upcoming fiscal year when I sat down to talk with my boss.  My boss, however, had heard that I was likely about to get engaged and that I had been doing a lot of driving back and forth and that my life was moving up in the direction of Hubinator’s.  Being the amazing individual that he was, my boss put in a couple of phone calls, along with a few of the other directors, and within a week I was approved for an internal transfer to the YMCA in the city where the Hubinator lived.  Everything was falling into place!!!

Needless to say, this also sort of forced our hand a little bit.  Yes we knew what we wanted, and we had discussed it, but now I had a transfer from work, so I was going to need to move.  We had discussed that it didn’t make sense for me to move into my own place up there, but we also had discussed that we didn’t want me moving into the house without making things official.  So, he had a conversation with the kids about the fact that he intended to propose to me, and asked them for their blessing.  They were excited and gave him that blessing.  At that point, that was all I knew.  He promised it would be very soon.  And with that, I moved and started working at the Y at the beginning of May.  

I worked at the Y for about a month, and then on Father’s Day I arranged for the kiddos to take their dad swimming at the Y, rock climbing, and just have a good old time (because I was working), and then when I got home I’d fix us all Father’s Day dinner.  When I finally did get home I began to fix dinner as planned, and then Hubinator and the kiddos told me they had recorded their rock climbing adventures and really wanted me to come watch.  I was feeling the pressure to get dinner in the oven and was admittedly partially annoyed that this couldn’t wait a little while longer, but finally they convinced me to take a short break.  I went in and sat down on the couch.  

Hubinator started the Dvd player.  Immediately I realized that this was not a rock climbing dvd, this was something very very different.  Kiddo #1 was on the TV, sitting there reading a letter he had written to me, telling me why he liked me, why he felt like I was a good addition to the family, why he loved me, and listing all the things that were special about me.  When he got done it cut to Kiddo #2.  Of course I was already getting choked up and teary eyed.  Then Kiddo #2 began reading a letter she had written with the same theme, same lists.  Her letter told me all of those things, but went on to tell me that I made the house happier, that I made the family the happiest it had been, and that I made her dad the happiest he had been, and in turn that they were happier because he was happier.  She talked about how much she loved having an expert in the house on “girl stuff”, and on bras, nails, and that kind of stuff.  She talked about how much she loved my food.  When she finished, it then cut to the Hubinator.  The Hubinator then began reading his letter to me.  He read a letter which explained to me how he knew he was “on the right path”.  How he essentially knew I was the right one.  All of the little, and big, things that told him that I was “the one”.  At the end of letter he said it’s how he knows he’s on the right path when the three of them get down on one knee and ask me to marry them.  Then the video ended.  The two kiddos and the Hubinator stood up, got down on one knee in front of me, and all together, asked me “will you marry us?”, and the Hubinator pulled out a ring.  Of course I said “YES!!!!!!!!!!!” and smiled, giggled, cried, laughed, hugged, kissed … all of them.  It was by far the BEST way that he could have proposed!  I would have never guessed that anyone would propose to me with their two kids, but, it was perfect in every single way!  

Throughout the course of the summer we continued to enjoy each other, have lots of fun, and do lots and lots of fun activities.  My mom came to visit for a few days and the kids met “Michigan Grandma” for the first time.  Mom loved it, they loved it, and it was altogether an amazing experience.  Fourth of July rolled around and we had a small intimate family party with just the four of us, with red, white, and blue everything, and then we went and saw the fireworks.  It was awesome.  My first Fourth of July as a mom was pretty cool.  Jillian’s Birthday was in August, and I made a turtle cake for her-- that was also pretty exciting and I really enjoyed that.  All in all, the summer was laid back, but a lot of fun.  

And then it was time to go back to school.  I always enjoyed school shopping as a child.  As I became an adult and did my own school shopping in college, and then when I taught college, school shopping was even more fun.  I loved school shopping.  As such, I had this idea in my head that school shopping with the kids was going to be the most amazing, magical, special experience ever.  I won’t go into this in too much detail here, because this is in and of itself a post, but, I will say that I learnt that school shopping with the kids is not all butterflies, unicorns, and magical fairy dust.  Within the first half hour I had already decided that next year we will make a list and I’ll do the majority of it myself for them.  It was-- actually quite painful lol.  By the time we got home, I actually called my own mother and apologized saying “I just took the kids school shopping, and I just want to say, I’m sorry for anything and everything I ever did and put you through every single year you had to take me school shopping”.  Mom just laughed-- knowing exactly what I had experienced.  She said “not exactly the cup of tea you expected, huh?”.  That all said, we survived, and the school year started.  

As the kids started back to school, I had a doctor’s appointment.  Again, I am not going to go into detail, because this too is a separate blog post, but the appointment didn’t go amazingly well, and it became crystal clear within a single day that I needed insurance.  The Hubinator and I had intended to wait a year or two to get married until we could save the money to do it the way we wanted to.  We had agreed, however, that if something happened physically and I needed health insurance, that for pragmatic reasons we would move up the date of the wedding, do it legally, and then have another larger wedding later on the way we wanted to originally.  This is the situation we found ourselves in.  Like we both agreed-- there is no point in saving money to get married the “big way” if someone is dead or really very sick, because she didn’t have the health care she needed to take care of herself up to that point.  

On September 6, 2012, on a warm summer evening, two of our very good friends joined the Hubinator and I as we exchanged vows in a private ceremony under a beautiful old oak tree in a local park downtown.  Afterwards we went out to dinner to celebrate.  While it wasn’t exactly what I had imagined when I was five, it was really perfect in every way.  And, we intend to have larger reception this next summer or sometime soon thereafter where all of our friends and family can join with us to celebrate our commitment to one another.  

Since getting married, things have been going well.  I have had some health challenges, and there have been some rough patches health wise, but I can honestly say that I’m finally starting to feel like I’m climbing back up out of the health holes now.  Thank goodness!  We have gone through another Thanksgiving, this time with the in-laws and the kiddos- and it was as big of a hit, if not better, than last time.  We also made it through another Christmas.  This time we again traveled to Michigan, and the Hubinator met my Dad and his side of the family, in addition to hanging out with my mom’s side of the family again.  Of course, everyone continues to love the Hubinator-- who can blame them-- he really is amazing :).  This year, we got to add all sorts of our own family traditions to Christmas with the kids when we celebrated with them-- we got them on Christmas Day.  It was a lot of fun.  It was my first Christmas being a parent!  As much fun as all of the holidays were though, I can honestly say, I am glad that they are over and my house is back in order now and I can resume normal functioning :).

Finally, on January 1, 2013, I celebrated my one year anniversary with the kiddos.  I made no bake cookies (with gluten free oats since Kiddo #1 has celiac and thus can’t have gluten).  I also made a yummy candied honey mustard ham, with oven fries, and corn.  They loved it.  So, year two is off to a bang!  Hooray!